Mean Girls came out 10 years ago this Sunday…How old do you feel right now? We know. So do we. But let’s forget about all of that for a minute and take a drive down memory lane together. We created special playlist inspired by each character just for you (click on the links to listen). So get in loser, we’re going shopping…
Let’s start with Miss Regina George, shall we? Regina George is flawless. She has 2 Fendi purses and a silver Lexus. One time, she met John Stamos on a plane. She always looks fierce. She always wins Spring Fling Queen. And to top it all off – she like invented Cady, you know what I mean? But if you want to know what Regina really thinks of everyone, we have the answers: Cady is a homeschooled jungle freak that’s a less hot version of Regina, Jason is such a skeeze who can go shave his back now, Trang Pak is a grotsky little biotch, Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin, Janis Ian is a dyke, Damion is too gay to function, and she wishes that Gretchen would stop trying to make fetch happen!!! But you can’t blame Regina. She’s just crabby because she can’t eat taco bell. She’s on an all-carb diet. Boo, you whore.
Now for Gretchen Wieners. Although she puts up with Regina’s abuse, Gretch wants us all to know how mean Regina really is…twelve years ago Regina told her hoop earrings were “her” thing and she wasn’t allowed to wear them anymore. And then for Hanukkah her parents got her this pair of really expensive white gold hoops and she had to pretend like she didn’t even like them…it was so sad. And I don’t think that Gretchen’s father, the inventor of the Toaster Strudel, would be too pleased to hear about this. Anyway, let’s move on to Cady and no more for Gretchen Wieners byyyyyye.
Oh Cady Heron, where do we even begin with you? I mean, half the people reading this blog are mad at you, and the other half only like you because they think you pushed somebody in front of a bus, so that’s not good. But before you go feeling too sorry for Africa, don’t forget that she’s a regulation hottie AND a mathlete with brains. So really, her limits do not exist! Even though she smells like a baby prostitute and she has really bad breath in the morning, Cady teaches us all a lesson in friendship and demonstrates how to make it through the “Girl World” alive.
Last but…well, maybe least, is Karen Smith. She can put her whole fist in her mouth. And her breasts can always tell when it’s going to rain. Well…they can tell when it’s raining. Oh and she’s a MOUSE. DUH.